By Executor's Resource, Inc.
Joanie and Brad were living a bustling life in a Boston suburb. Joanie was so busy traveling for her job that Brad spent a lot of time raising their daughter, Alison, 9. They didn’t plan for cancer to end Brad’s life at 51, struck down in less than a week after it was discovered.
Brad didn’t have time to leave a legacy to little Alison. Hopefully she’ll remember her dad, but how much? What are his thoughts, his life memories and core values that he would like to pass on to her when she grows up?
The financial aspects of an estate can be fairly cut-and-dried, distributed upon death and not thought too much of after most estates are settled. But the family and personal legacies are different and so much more important than something as simple as money or property. Whether you care about being remembered or not, your loved ones care about remembering you.
What is a family legacy?
Family legacies are comprised of stories and accomplishments, but also of heirlooms – both the objects themselves and digital or print photos of them – family albums or diaries with the family tree (or line of descendants), home movies, photos, newspaper clippings and even that bear rug that Grandpa had tanned after a hunt. Legacies should also tell the written story behind the heirloom, to let your descendants know why it is important. The legacy also includes important family contacts – friends and professionals who are affiliated with the family.
One idea is to develop a simple time line of important family events and write it down. Some grandparents might find it easier to answer questions from grandchildren, all of which can be recorded on paper, computer or in audio.
One of the great things about the Internet and new media is that devices to record family legacies are relatively inexpensive and easy to use and share. You might have to enlist the help of your children, nieces or nephews to help you record audio and video, but it can be done with increasing ease on a personal computer. And photos can easily be scanned and downloaded to a central site and shared. Be sure that older generations identify as many of the people in the photos as possible.
An example that Marcia Mantell, owner of Mantell Retirement Consulting Inc. in Needham, Mass., gives is recording grandfather’s annual reading of The Night Before Christmas on Christmas Eve. After grandfather is gone, future generations can play the video or audio file.
Wealthy families go as far as printing lavish brochures about “what it is to be a Rockefeller,” and update them yearly, something Mantell finds heavy-handed. The key is to forget about getting fancy. Just do something. Small mementos and memories can be priceless to a granddaughter or grandson. Forget about waiting until you are ready to give the speech of your life.
“There’s no right, there’s just do,” says Mantell, who serves as historian for both hers and her husband’s family. To date she has just collected photos, but likes the idea of recording family stories at the next Thanksgiving gathering.
“NPR did a segment where they take a recording booth called StoryCorps around the country and have one generation tell family stories to the next,” Mantell says. “They talk about why dad chose to coach your youth soccer team you -- from his perspective. These stories are so moving and real, all because it’s audio.”
Other family examples: Collect a couple letters that were written between Mom and Dad during their early days. Scan them into the computer to save them. Maybe there’s a postcard from World War II or an old newspaper of Victory Europe day, or a couple of ticket stubs from attending Tom Watson’s historic finish to win the U.S. Open at Pebble Beach in 1982.
Don’t have the “one and done” approach to creating your family legacy. It’s a do as you go project. Get in the habit of saving memories as you go along, because once the real pressure is on, all those wonderful little tidbits that are precious to your family and friends are going to be forgotten.
How is a personal legacy different from a family legacy?
A personal legacy is just that, how you want to be remembered by your loved ones. The biggest mistake you can make, again, is thinking you have to pass on all of the wisdom you’ve learned or summarize the entirety of your feelings for your children and friends. Forget it, you’ll never do it. So just do something.
Keep your heirlooms, war medals, awards, treasured trophies, the old baseball mitt, the story and pictures of Uncle Frank’s death in the battle for the Solomon Islands, in one box.
Try recording a diary of thoughts, a paragraph here and there, when you have a little alone time and can write down what you’re thinking about your daughter, for instance. Say where you are, what made you think of a memory and perhaps something you appreciate about your child for example. It doesn’t have to be profound. It can just be loving. Time will make it profound to your family and friends after you’re gone.
Not motivated? Feel like you can’t write or record? Maybe someone can help you. You can even use the tools in our program EstateLogic, as a basis from which to start. Then, recruit a friend or family member to help. If you continue to add something a piece at a time, you will be surprised how much there is as the years pass. Building your legacy is a process that takes time.
So keep them all, the memories, the scrapbooks, the knick knacks, pieces with historical significance, and more importantly, remember that you’re doing it for your friends and family and future generations, not for you. You’re creating something priceless to them: Your legacy.
Action items for creating a family and personal legacy
• Family timeline - Keep a timeline of major events in the family, with details such as year and location. Simple notes will do. Include births, deaths, marriages, divorces, moves.
• Personal diary – Use any means possible, a written or computer program or video or audio recording, to record your thoughts about your life or your family as you go. Start now. Don’t wait. Use shorter entries.
• Personal and family letters – Keep important love letters from parents or yourself representing major family unions.
• New media – Embrace new media and make audio or visual recordings of family get-togethers, such as holidays and reunions.
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